THE GODDESS

My man and i spent a wonderful year together and for the next four years, our bond rose above and grew beyond conventional relations. He stood by me and with me regardless of how difficult it was to love me. He put his reservations and fears aside, he faced, head on, the pressure of societal righteousness and he endured my immaturity and emotional instability. Through it all, his intentions were pure. He gave me strong roots and sturdy wings, he gave me space to grow, a space for me to be free. but back then i thought it was a form of abandonement. Now i can see things clearly, and finally i understood his actions.

The one created to spend your whole life with! what a wonderful thing to believe in, but can we really believe in it? and even spend our whole life trying to find that person? A greek story tells us that man has two heads, four hands and four legs. then the gods decided to split man apart so that they have one head, two hands and two legs. but the separation created a sense of emptiness and man since then was incomplete! And from then on, man spends his day looking for that soul partner and no matter what happens, they will meet in this life time or the next, to spend the eternal bond of true love and live happily ever after, with the feeling of completeness and contentment! pretty catchy isn’t it? but isnt it to sad to live by that idea of a soulmate? The only way to feel complete is when you have found your soul mate

GIVE ME A SIGN!!! Famous words for undecided and confused persons! coz why not! it takes the pressure of them and puts it to a divine and cosmic powers there is! its is much easier to decide based on beliefs or external validation coz if it works then heaven has approved of it, if it doesnt, then no one is to blame. Its an easier way out rather than to gruel over to arrive on a decision. however doesnt it make the choose unreliable? coz you havent thought if it, the consequences, reason, and logic of the issue. wouldnt thinking of it and deciding for your self make your choice so much a part of you! and less risky! I believe in God the the powers beyond our understanding, but transferring the decision to God is a clear indication that we are not using the gifts He has provided for each one of us! And no matter how daunting or confussing or overwhelming the problems might be, it’s nothing if we are coming from our core, anchorred in our faith and has a good tool of dealing with them!

On a second note, People tend to wait, is it bad or good? it can be both! but when is is bad, when is it good? i am guilty of this tendency! coz i have been waiting all my life for something i’m still not sure what! i think is already bad when you feel that your time is wasting, if you started to feel that you’re stuck! waiting for that something! then it’s about time that you stand up and make a change! but dont be drastic about it, coz i assure you you’ll crash and burn with that change!

Looking back at our past is a way for us to heal or know ourselves. One of the primary tools in psychoanalysis or psychotherapy. It has helped me a lot during the turmoiled  stages of my life. However this past year i have neglected and ignored th previleges of looking back and assesing the events and the effects of those events on me and as i go back,not only of the things that just happened but also on the things that happened in the past that i might have neglected when i was doing it during my college years, and it astounds me to find out, as i become more and more aware and open, that there are so many things that have affected me but still i show this persona as if everything is fine. call it resilience or big time denial. One thing that stood out from this experience is the possibility, of everything! Of course i have let many oppurtunities pass me by, and when i say many oh boy! its a lot! but as i go through life. back and forth. i have learned not to have regrets. coz i know regrets hold me back! and in order not to have regrets, i grieve. i know this is quite drastic coz we think that grieving is only for funerals and deaths! but grieving is a process intended to mourn for a loss in order to move on, and losing time and oppurtunity is a loss. so dont be confused or cautioned if  sumtimes i feel gloomy or out of sorts, coz if it seems to be, that im going through a dreadful things, i’m actually on a natural process that is intended to help me and make me better! so mourn

Can you be friends with your mom??? most will difinetly say  in an instant "yes" as a matter of fact we are!!! but are you?? can you absolutely speak about sex and experiences with your mom like the way you do with your friends? Can you stop your mom from making wrongs decisions like the way you do with your friends? Can you blame your mom for mistakes she did like the way you blame your friends with the mistakes they did? Can you argue with your mom and  forgive her like just like the way you do with your friends??? Is that the friendship of mothers to thier daughters or sons? maybe it is. so whats wrong with that? Well firstly you dont have a friendly relationship with her, its a realationship bec. there is a bond however if ur past the age of 18 or let’s make it 20. That relationship holds you back from ur maturity, cause still you are treated as the child and your mom as the parent. so what? you are the child and she is your parent. But both of yu most realize that your an adult now and you should be able to interact as both adults. if one is still the authority figure, then one has a power comparred  the other. So this is my point> It is time to be who you are and not somebody else’s baby! and you would see that your relationship with your mom will be different. It will be of to adult friends being adults!

everyone in our lives, have commited something that has caused pain, pain to others and pain to ourselves. we have made so many ways to amend that mistake. some just leave it and hope that the person hurt would just move on. most would try to over compensate from the hurt they’ve caused. but still some deny that they caused pain or have commited a mistake. They make up so many stories to hide or to rationalize the mistake they did. Is it really necessary? Why  is it so hard to accept that we made mistakes, everyone does, sometimes more often that others, yet we beat ourselves up from the mistakes we did. So what should one do? give a gift, give something back to amend, sacrifice something? There are so many ways to atone from mistakes we did, some are more creative than others, some are brutal, so instead of forgiving someone, you fell compelled and guilty! but i think the most effective way, is to admit that u made a mistake, and say sorry to the person whom you hurt and made him/her feel that you learned something from it and that you will try not to do it again! heck we are all human, and we commit mistakes. but to learn from the mistakes we did, is certainly beyond human.

Everyone has an image they’re trying to project and preserve, now that is’nt bad at all considering that in our society where image is everything, it is important that people show the things that they value the most. however, when preserving an image, hinders the real person inside. one cant help to think "what’s the sense of having an image or mask, if you dont know who you are anymore?" when was the last time you did something that is out of your character? something you haven’t done for the longest time? something you did when you weren’t as concern about an image?, the last time you let an oppurtunity for an experience pass you by just because you would look stupid? well, if you would ask me, i’ll let go of the image coz you would never know what you are missing, of course you have hold on to your image and all but that’s it. nothing gained nothing loss. in conclusion it’s about time to drop off your mask, change your image and know your self!

I know im pretty and i know i’m nice,

almost all the qualities of  a fine girlfriend are in me,

how come i’m still alone and lonely? in a time and age, where finding sum1

is just a text or e-mail away. as i try to decipher the intricate and often

confusing world of dating,. i now realized that it’s not the persons i meet who

have issues about dating, it is who has it, coz most of the time, after i sense

that they are interested in me, i try to brush them aside, and look for another

man to pursue. i have this tendency to look for faults in a guy to lose interest in

him. mostly he’s not good enough for me, or it’s not gonna work. now having

awareness on the pattern i make, maybe i can change that and finally have the

kind of relationship i have been dreaming of for the longest time.

i wanna be strong but im weak

i wanna be weak but im strong

all i can see is chaos and destruction

how can i find resolution?

in a world full of obstruction.

the harder i try,

the worse i feel.

but as i feel pain

i become strong

reselience comes in

and days just move on

so i can say, im not weak,

coz i choose to be weak,

im not strong, i choose to be strong.