THE GODDESS

Everyone knows i recently went through an emotional turbulence. of course like any person like me, para madaling makarecover eh ibaling ang pagtingin sa iba, pero putcha baling na baling na pagtingin to! hehehe umpisahan ntin sa isa kong crush, hindi ko inisip na magiging crush ko sha dahil minsan lang nman kami mag usap at hindi pa nga kmi close eh, but one day, our eyes met and locked with intense emotion kaya ayun, lagi ko ng gus2 shang nakikita. tpos pag magkasama kmi,wala kaming ginawa kungdi mag tawanan, he’s so workaholic ang passionate sa trabaho, he SEES to it na lahat MAAYOS At DIRETSO. basta gus2 ko sha! period, pero lam ko nman na hindi pede dahil sa IBA SHA NAKATINGIN.

SALAMAT SA MALIKOT NA IMAHINASYON NI GINA~

i had an entry b4 about indecent proposal, it was with the brother of my friend,. pero ngayon nawindang ako kc isang teenager ang nag propose. ganito kc yun . pumasok ako ng maaga kc ayoko ng malate. tpos meron isang teenager between 17 to 19 yrs old na nakatingin sakin sa kanto, malayo plang nakatingin na sha sakin tpos sinalubong niya ko. nung malapit na sha sakin. bigla shang tumalikod tpos sumabay na sakin mag lakad, tpos kinamusta nia ako at tinanong kung papasok nko sa work, so sabi ko oo and bkit nia ko kinakausap eh hindi ko nman sha kilala, araw araw daw nakikita nia ako pumapasok and gus2 daw nia makilala ako. so ok gudluck nman sa kanya no, inutusan lang yata sha ng nanay nia na bumili ng pandesal eh eto na sha kumekembyular sakin. tpos nagulat nlang ako nung cnabi nia na maya na daw ako pumasok at magusap daw muna kmi, siempre sabi ko hindi pede tpos tinanong ko sha bkit gus2 nia ako makausap at ano nman pag uusapan nmin, aba bigla ba nman sabihin kc bored daw sha gus2 nia magpaligaya, sus me totoy hindi ako clown, kung pede ba daw ako ngayon khit sandali lang,. ay sorry ayoko ng quickie! bwahahaah, ang bruho sabi bukas nlang daw tpos agahan ko daw ang pasok. pasalamat sha ayoko ng malate kung hindi pinatulan ko sha, infairness gwapo sha, kaya lang me dalang pandesal, na guilty akong isipin na yung mga kasama nia sa bahay eh naghihintay ng pandesal . heheeheh joke!

Talk about damage control. Everyone sees this evil man because that’s all that i talk about him, His shortcomings and his indifference about me. Of course that is unfair, but im not gonna talk and try to justify him. Im tired of thinking and deciphering his mind, his motives and his actions. Im tired of creating next day scenarios. I always say that what will be will be, but still try to manipulate the outcome. I said he loved me but now i know he doesnt, he just wants me to be ok. I said he is happy with me, but he is having a blast with others. I said he is making plans for us but procrastinates them always.  I want him to love me. I want him to be with me. But this is not about me. Its about him. and now it should be enough about him.

I started this day thinking that this is gonna be the day my life would change. It is either change to what i have always longed for or change towards what i dread for, I wanted to talk to him seriously about what transpired during the weekend, i wanted to clear things becouse god knows im goin out of my mind about what i learned through a common friend, But when i started talking to him, while waiting for the chance to open up the weekend topic, then i realized. it doesnt matter anymore, perhaps HE doesnt matter to me as much as before. im beginning to get tired of this game that we have right now. and now i was told that HE will go through a very hard path of fate. Im stoned to my seat and stunned to my brain. WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

ALL I CAN SAY AND THINK OFF "GOD HELP ME HELP HIM!"

So,e2. wla nman ako magawa, so ano naman ang isusulat ko d2. cguro pede nko magsulat abt kay great white shark. being the shark that this creature is. siempre galit ako sa kanya. lagi kc shang nanjan at umaaligid. hummp! gawing kitang squaline jan eh. hahaha pero sbi nga ng taong nakakapag patino ng malikot kong pagiisip. wag ko nalang pagtunuan ng pansin tutal di naman na sha napapansin. pero nakakainis lang talaga sha. SO pagusapan nman natin tong taong nakakapagpatino ng malikot kong pag-iisip. Hehehe, yun lang, nanjan lang sha to inspire me. hindi  nako  masyadong pagsasalita about this person kc napapagod nkong isipin sha, kc he’s tattooed on my mind and constantly lagi ko shang naiisip. ngayon nman punta tyo saking PLAYMATE. siempre being the childish person that i am (Sbi nga ng HR, eh immature ako eh ) nakahanap ako ng kalaro, khit sa office, para kming mga batang naghaharutan , naghahabulan, nagbabasaan (ng alcohol) at nagaaway. hehee pero away bata lang yun kc after nun. bati na ulit kmi, kakatuwa nga eh  pero siempre 2ng kalaro ko eh talagang bata. minsan naiinis ako sa kanya at lumalabas ang pagiging manang ko kaya lagi ko shang sinasaway. anyway basta lagi akong happy pag kasama ko sha kc imagine 23 nko pero naglalaro parin ako. pero nothing beats my hapiness dun sa taog nakakapagpatino ng malikot kong pagiisip. hehe at least e2 clean fun hindi katulad ni white shark, hindi.

Yes, windang nko, pagod nko irationalize at i-justify ang pagiging cold mo sakin, sabi mo pagod ka lang, at hindi kapa nakakapag adjust, ok given. pero pagod ka pa rin ba khit restday mo?, nagawa mo pang umalis khit na cnabi mo sakin na hindi ka aalis nung araw na yun. kung ano ano pang dahilan mo ngayon. cge sana hindi ka makakain hanggang mangayayat ka at magmukhang bamboo tree. pero khit ano gawin ko, leche. nadadaig parin ng kagustuhan kong maging maayos lahat sakin. sana tumigil na 2!